It may seem like a strange question but if you were to personify your M.E, if you were to imagine what it looked like, sounded like, smelled like, what its personality was, what would you say? When you picture it, what form does it take?
I’d never thought of this before – at least not consciously – until my counsellor asked me.
My initial reaction was to imagine it looked how it makes my legs and body feel – so like jelly, or heavy logs, or strings of blue-tac failing to support my weight. A particular colour wasn’t springing to mind but I could imagine others saying grey or black, like clouds.
When I thought about it further, and started to give it a character, I decided it was nothing but a total and utter $%£^@ £”$:***+~& <this blog has been censored for foul and abusive language>
an utter git.
The look on my counsellor’s face suggested there might be an alternative to this approach!
What if it wasn’t an invisible evil sent by a bored imp looking to suck as much life and energy out of people as it could manage? What if M.E is actually a friend which arrived as nature’s way of telling you that your body and mind needed to slow down? What if it’s heaven-sent to make you give yourself some me-time because continuing in the rat-race would have brought something far worse? What if M.E is the cosiness of your bed, the fuzziness of relaxation, the spirit of freedom to help you reconnect with other things, or people, whilst you’re bed or housebound, that you would not have otherwise been doing or seeing?
Far-fetched? Hard to reconcile with? Or might there just be something in that? I can see both sides but the theory is that you need to see it not as an invader but part of who you are now. It’s OK to have rubbish days. It’s not a waste of a day. It’s a day to think, rest, heal, pursue other things whilst sedentary. They are the things I’m trying to tell myself at the moment.
So maybe, just maybe, if M.E does still look like a looming, dark cloud to you, it could also be a soft, fluffy one which is cushioning you, wrapping you up in its cotton wool, being your peaceful pillow, protecting your body and mind.
Maybe. It certainly feels better to think of it like that anyway.
What do you think? What does M.E look like to you? If you visualise it, does it look like a horrible Monster Munch character or more like the Honey Monster?! Can you make peace with it and see it in a different way? Please – share your thoughts in the comments below.
Extra Reading: More positive thinking in this Light Visualisation During Meditation article from the M.E Self-help Guru.